i am really getting so lost in myself, lost in everything..
seeing you today in school even if for a while meant a whole great deal to me. There's just so much i wanna tell you, but it just seems as though you don't want to talk at all.

love. has the power to break or heal,
seeing you today made it seem as though it was better if i didn't catch a glimpse of you at all. you just seem so different, i don't know you anymore. the reflection that i'm seeing in you isn't me at all. it's someone else. so different, so cold. i'm not longer there.

THE BROKEN BOWL

To say it once held daisies and bluebells
Ignore, if nothing else,
Much diehard brilliance where, crashed to the floor,
The wide bol lies that seemed to cup the sun,
Its green leaves wilted, its loyal blaze undone,
All split, its glass integrity no more.
From piece to shattered piece
A fledgling rainbow struggles for release.

Did also the heart shatter when it slipped?
Shards flesh, becoming script,
Imperfection's opal signature
Whose rays in dismay hallucinate
At dusk so glittering a network that
The plight of reason, ever shakier,
Is broadcast through the room
Which rocks in sympathy, a pendulum.

No lucid, self-containing artifice
At least, but fire, ice,
A world in jeopardy. What lets the bowl
Nontheless triumph by inconsequence
and wrestle harmony from dissonance
And with the fragments build another, whole,
Inside us, which we feel
Can never break, or grow less bountiful?

Love does that. Spectral through the fallen dark,
Eye-beam and ingle-spark
Refract our ruin into this new space,
Timeless and concentric, a spotlight
To whose elate arena we allot
Love's facets reassembling face by face,
Love's warbler among leaves,
Love's monuments, or tombstones, on our lives.

i just wanna know what is it that you're feeling now, for me or for anything else that's bothering you so much in your life. I no longer seem to be part of your life, i feel detached and gone, like sand separated from the sea.. it's different. Just tell me what you want now..

I don't wanna continue talking to myself or the wall, and deluding myself over again that everything's fine cause i know you're not ok and at the rate we're going at, nothing's moving. what about your promise to stay honest? it's gone, is it not? if not prove me wrong. benefits of the doubt can last, but not even when the truth is shining so brightly before youu, that's when i start giving up. where are u? you aren't even responding to me at all. is it me? or what's wrong..? you're killing me.. you're just leaving me in the lurch by myself when you've dug this hole too big for me to climb out and there you go, clambering away from me without a sound.

do you still want this to go on?... why are you so indifferent to everything about me now.. ? you're hurting me this way and it's being selfish. why can't you just tell me what's on your mind?

i give up. i'll just speak to the wall. at least i know it won't run away.

you know it sucks when you love someone so much who doesn't show you anything at all.. how would she know if you never show her?