i've been thinking...

about lotsa things. and i finally realised that goatherd has been trying to tell me all this time. and i believe every word she meant, and the reason behind it. And i suddenly see her as a very strong and brave person. unlike me.. so afraid.

i suddenly understand why the world's a cruel and beautiful place to live in. intolerable cruelty, but sorrow brings success, the irony behind it isn't it?

i realised that after ****,*******, i realised that these things don't matter anymore, that fending for your self is really all that matters. it depends on me, and the choices i face, for better or worse, they're mine to make.

i really dunno what to do anymore. Lying awake in the middle of the night thinking whether anyone else is doing exactly the same thing doesn't help either. if i could just break free..
if i could..

how does anyone stay together? ever..
i'm hurting so much inside. am i still urs?

where are all my friends? like everyone else has someone else to hang out, it's hard to know that you're stuck in your corner staring at everyone else walking past.

I pray, God please listen to me..

and i wonder, why do I succumb to all this?.. isn't it time i said anything? i feel like a toy. to entertain someone, nothing else.. i don't think you love me as much as I do.

and i swear, i'm never going to believe in things like these.. cause when you're dead and dying, yet the wall doesn't speak, at all.. what's the point of bashing yourself up?where's the reason being all the pain.. i found nothing.

if i could..