woke up at 3pm today just to take lunch. and i had a very horrible nightmare which involved him of course and lotsa other people.. then fell asleep until about 4.30pm
had a good long talk with daniel thong, so amazingly hard to believe we spoke for so long! :) but it was nice talking to a friend after so long.

sigh i'm feeling so damn sad today, thinking so much abt him. wonder if he's thinking too.. and it's really true, about that illogical part of our brain that functions all the time, and especially when love comes around. I'm beginning to doubt that uncontrollable feeling that comes around nowadays, and i keep thinking about stuffs i shouldn't be.

i know you're tired and your phone's been kinda cranky of late, but it really scares me when you don't respond to what i say anymore. and i get really scared cause i'm so scared of losing you. so scared of what always happens to everyone else. I really hope you trust me enough just as much as I trust you. I know that i really do care, and i really hope you'll send me a signal or anything. I really miss you, miss everything, there is still everything that i like about you.. please don't let anything come between us, or fade away. im feeling so scared every single day, having that gut feeling where you come and say, hey this is really the end.

dear, you know how i feel about you.
please don't let me go.

LTC camp's really been a whole lot of fun, yes and no, (and i finally understand why they keep using it).. and people all around have been falling in and outta love. i wanna congratulate them and support them but somehow i feel fear for them instead. it's scary, when you go all the way out for something, someone you think IS the ultimate one, and yet knowing that things will knock you down on the way and you guys might not even be friends at the end. it's so scary..

but of course, i'm hoping things will be all the way for you and i. seemingly, when i need my friends around the most, they disappear, except for a few here and there who seem to notice the little bits of my life and i'm thankful for these people. I don't know if i ever will believe in love again. it's so silly, it's so stupid.. it's illogical. it drives you into a state of fantastical vision and numbness.. and maybe sometimes, i really gotta learn to steer clear of these all and be myself again. it gets lonely, but at least you won't have to sit around hoping that someone, will reply you..

and it gets really long, those hanging by the phone at night, wishing something'd rrring..
i miss you dear.