It's 3.23am and there's going to be re-sch in about a couple of hours. i hope i last through the day and through choir.. today has been one hella of a crazy day starting with NE quiz in the morning and with a fantastic lunch outing with friends which gave me the opportunity to meet two hot HOT HOT Italian guys. Italian guys.. my favourite!

Then i had a more than awesome dinner at SUBWAY again ( for the don't know how many-ieth time this wk) with gwee which ended in so much fun and talk+pigging outs. It was fantastic. And well if you're really this, i must really say thank you for making my day so much fun and for cheering me up and thanks for the wallet. it's like WICKEDLY COOL! hang out soon yea?? ;) you take care buddy! and i'll remember you, you-supporter-of-this-emo-kid-star! haha.

Thanks to a friend whom I've been talking much to last night till like NOW at this time.. well tmr's(rather today) really judgement day and we'll see how things go. At this point of time, I guess what I wanna say and what i wanna do is really too late for any change now. I'm just going to be myself and see how everything else progresses from there. Hate me, ignore me all you want, but i'll just be who i always am. I think i've finally come to the part where I throw my hands up in the air and say, "I surrender!" and you can finally throw me off the board and get fed to the crocs in the sea. Yes, if you didn't quite understand that, well it just simply means that yes i've finally come to a decision and yes, today will be the 1st day that i'm starting to let go of you finally. Should you be happy? I really don't know.

Maybe sometimes when Life slaps you too hard in the face you don't feel the pain for a long time and when it's been a while, you finally feel that reeling sensation through your face and your head starts spinning and your hearts starts pounding.. it's then you realise that you've been wasting so much of your life waiting on someone who doesn't want you anymore. Some things require no voice to carry its message on.. you feel it just when it tugs at your heartstrings and you know it's time you let go before it kills you. It's important to you, that part of you that has been 'specially reserved' for the past ages or so.. but now it's becoming a part of you that wants to overwhelm and take over, take control over your senses and ruin you totally. You want to set yourself free and step out from that delusion. You want to press on and run the race, you wanna move on and break free... afterall, what use is there if you're loving and loving, and he's plotting and hating? you get it. it hits you harder than you think it would. he doesn't love you anymore.

It's been so long since we spoke, last contacted, last seen each other and hopefully tomorrow's meeting won't be too much of a shock for me. I'm stuck with all these confusions inside me, there's so much of me that you haven't seen, that you never bothered to see in me. It's all gone. You never bothered solving the problem but run away from it.. breaking up is really the best possibly and easiest way to shirk off all responsibilities and feelings and to leave everything right? I don't know how much it may hurt you, but i certainly know it hurts me. I don't know you anymore, you're more than a stranger. I thought I had it all, until you turned around and refused to go on cause you're scared of falling one more step with me, u're scared of moving through the hardest times. But it's alright, you don't even bother about what I feel about it, you don't suppose i'm oblivious to everything that's been happening to us.. u're forcing me to let go.. you're forcing me to..

you're hiding in one corner even though you've gotten your cleverly formulated answer. you're refusing to tell me and why so? cause you are a coward? cause you're needing more time to think and breathe? cause you're unsure? or wait.. don't tell me u love me anymore cause i know you don't leave your girl waiting for your sms and call every night and day and stop talking to her and seeing her.. she's basically outta your life for gd. i can tell you're happy, i can tell you don't care about me anymore. So say it. I won't kill you, I won't get mad, I won't hate you. I just pray that the next girl in line won't ever get the same treatment. I love you, but I hate you.. you're taking a toll on my emotions. i'm not stupid, i know it when i'm not needed around and i'll remove myself so you can be happy while i cry myself to sleep. i thought i could change things, i keep wishing we'll be back tgt but the more I try, the further you go.. you tore yourself away from me. haunting my dreams and keeping my illusions going. you lie to me. why...

and i guess tonight, tonight's finally the day.. i'm telling myself you're gone. You're gone. and i know i'm right. you're never turning back to me again.

you're gone.